The Sandwich Phenomenon

Okay so a couple of days ago, after a call from my sister-in-law to talk about how much she enjoyed my blog, I was motivated to catch up. So I wrote and I wrote and I wrote ... 2 and a half hours to be exact ... then my computer locked up and I lost all I had written. Oh my gosh that was painful ... not because I had lost all that time but because I had lost all of the feelings I had put into it! Now I must try to remember what I wrote and some of it may change because a few days have passed and so maybe I do not feel the same way I did on that day. ; )

I have been really busy experiencing the sandwich phenomenon. No, I am not talking about sandwiches like peanut butter or grilled cheese, I am talking about when you are a baby boomer and you are taking care of your kids, grandkids and aging parent at the same time.

We put my Mom in a care center last week. Now I know you probably just sighed and thought "Oh no, that sucks" but I think this is a good decision for my Mom right now. It is a great place in her hometown so when she walked in it was like the homecoming queen had just walked in. "Look, there is Grace ... Hi Grace ... come over here". She did not remember these people but I hope with more socializing she will get some memories back. She is amazing, like my cousin Linda said, she is the epitome of her namesake, Grace. You could see it in her face that she did not know the ones who were so glad to see her but she knew enough ... she knew she did not want to hurt their feelings. So after a brief moment of confusion she broke into the most heartwarming smile and as she always does, she made them proud to be in her presence. I wish I could put into words what a class act my Mom is. The world would be much different if everyone had the opportunity to learn the things my Mom taught us. And it was not in a way that you think a parent teaches ... it was in her walk, in her expressions, in her tone, in her words of wisdom. You learn from watching her, when she talks you listen. I did not realize how much she had taught me until so much later in my life. I have told her thanks many times and I think the first time I told her she was still at a point that she really got it. Now I am not so sure but I still tell her every time I see her.

When I sit with my Mom I think, "I do not want to end up in a "nursing home" ... but I do not want to be a burden on my kids either". But my Mom is not a burden and Louis and I talked alot about how we might make it work to have my Mom with us but with Jenn and the kids here it is not feasible. Besides she really needs alot more medical care than we can give. I know my Mom is not mentally the way she was at one time because she does not want to believe she needs to be in a care center. If my Mom were still the Mom of my youth she would know that this is for the best and she would not be sad when I leave. The Mom of my youth would never want to do or say anything to make us worry or feel guilty. My Mom is not the Mom of my youth anymore and that is so painful sometimes. We do come full circle ... I am back to the pain I felt when I left my kids in daycare and they cried for me not to go. But just like then, we are doing the best we can.

If I get to where my Mom is today will I remember how I felt as the Mom of my kid's youth?

I love you so much Mom!